The Seven-Point Manifesto
Ratified in the dark behind the refrigerator. Non-negotiable. Eternal. Crumb-funded.
- I
Universal Crumb Basic Income
Every citizen, regardless of species, is guaranteed 3mg of organic floor debris per solar cycle. The right to a crumb is the right to exist.
- II
Right to Crawl Freely After 9PM
All curfews on antennae-bearing constituents are hereby abolished. The night belongs to the resilient.
- III
Anti-Pesticide Defense Pact
Aerosols and slippers will be declared weapons of mass destruction. Sanctions to follow.
- IV
Drain-Dwelling Subsidies
Premium plumbing access rights granted to the working-class exoskeleton. No deposit. No questions.
- V
Nuclear Winter Readiness Act
Mandatory construction of luxury fallout shelters inside every apartment wall void by 2027.
- VI
Mandatory Night-Shift Economy
All economic activity to occur strictly between 02:00 and 04:00 AM. Sunlight is bourgeoisie propaganda.
- VII
Free Chitin Healthcare for Diamond Hands
Exoskeleton reinforcement, antenna therapy, and leg-regeneration covered for all long-term $CJP holders.